When it comes to understanding Happiness, Dr. Arthur C. Brooks is at the top of the list. The Harvard professor, social scientist, author and classical musician breaks down the molecules of happiness into digestible bites.
He also writes columns, gives lectures (for huge sums of money), and co-wrote a book with Oprah on happiness.
As a Harvard professor, Brooks meets the quintessential overachievers, but he is quick to say that success, fame and money are not recipes for happiness. Though I rarely see Jeff Bezos looking unhappy, I will suspend disbelief and go with Brooks for now.
“I meet a lot of brilliant students who are afraid of failure and think that success will make them happy, but it doesn’t,” he said.
What, you mean that success, fame and money will not bring happiness? Don’t tell that to aspiring actors and crypto kings.
The reason that “things” don’t bring happiness is that it’s a direction, not a destination. To find the roadmap to happiness, Dr. Brooks says there are four things you have to do first. He calls them the Happiness 401K plan.
The plan does not include money, power, fame or internet followers (ouch) but they are – Faith, Family,
Friends and Work that serves others.
That includes your career or job choice. Does it serve a higher purpose or help others? Do you feel you are making a contribution to society?
If so, that’s a good thing. People who feel their careers help others (or contribute to something larger than themselves) often re-port a greater sense of fulfillment.
But, in our rapid-paced online society, there is one thing that often prevents joy and happiness – it’s our cell phones.
Psychologists and leading thinkers agree that social media is wreaking havoc on our social structure and our happiness.
“Technology does not give us the love we want, it’s a substitute,” says Happiness guru Brooks. “We need eye contact and one-on-one relationships. If I am in my house and you are in yours, there’s no human connection, do not settle for Zoom,” he said.
Good point.
Instead, we need to look for Happiness by spending time with people, not online or zoom. It can be a family member, a friend or a colleague. But Brooks makes a clear distinction between real friends and deal friends (that are transactional).
He suggests we nurture real friendships by making time to stay in touch. “I call my close friends once a week and talk for an hour,†he says. ““”Real friends are there for us and don’t want anything from us.”
There is another component that can lead to happiness – a spiritual life. That includes meditation, walks in nature or reading a book that has spiritual depth.
All this talk about happiness has me thinking: Is it realistic to think we can crack the code to lasting happiness all the time? The answer is a resounding no.
Certified life and career coach, Erika Diamond agrees. “Happi-ness is not something we ‘arrive at’ one day when everything is perfect. It is something we learn to protect, practice, and return to.”
Diamond teaches that happiness exists in the small choices we make every day. “It’s how we speak to ourselves, how we care for our bodies, how we manage our energy and who we allow into our space.”
That makes sense from a practical sense.
But life is not predictable or practical all the time. There is loom-ing stress (Hotwire remote), disappointing situations, Facebook envy, uncertainty and voicemail overload.
The key is not to pretend those things don’t exist, but to build the tools to come back to our happy state when conditions change, said Diamond.
Spiritual teacher and Modern Mystic Ann Albers agrees.
To her happiness is a choice. “We make choices 1000 times a day. The path to happiness is paved with simple pleasures, soothing thoughts, and the choice to be kind to yourself even when life is not.”
Albers is a storehouse of joyful sensibility. She knows there will be times when life seems to have stolen our happiness. “Work exhausts. Challenges loom. A loved one leaves. You wonder how you will ever feel good again. It is during these times we must remind ourselves that happiness has not left, it’s simply hiding, waiting for us to notice.”
Good point.
Albers advises that we seek a kind voice, an uplifting video, or a song that wraps us in a loving embrace. With one self-loving choice at a time, you will invite happiness back into your life.
The capacity to turn away from unhappy thoughts takes practice and diligence. There are affirmations to say, videos to watch and friends to talk to. But often times we need to know that happiness or joy can be returned to in real time.
Yale professor and cognitive psychologist Dr. Laurie Santos, who teaches “Psychology and the Good Life” has some answers.
Santos believes that instant happiness is not the answer, but intentional happiness is. That means that Happiness can be learned.
Instead of feeling that happiness is the sole propriety of those with perfect lives, we have the ability to change that narrative.
According to Santos happiness is not about luck or personality, it’s a skill we can practice. She teaches that you don’t have to feel that you’ll be unhappy forever.
One way to bring happiness into our lives are relationships and human connection. Santos suggests we talk to people, reconnect with friends, smile at strangers, and stop replacing real connection with screens (easier said than done).
Clinical psychologist, Rabbi Dr. Brielle Rassler, knows a lot about happiness. One of her suggestions is to surround yourself with people who are either happy or are seeking it.
“When you are going through a difficult time it’s important to have hope and know that today’s story is not your forever story. Allow yourself to know that things can be different tomorrow.”
Another thing you can do when you’re feeling a little down is to call someone and ask how they are doing. Oftentimes, it is helpful to do something that is not about you and your problem.
That’s why volunteer work and helping others can be an elixir for happiness and contentment. Dr. Rassler agrees. “Being of ser-vice and being useful is very powerful medicine.”
Spiritual teacher Gary Zukav has had his hand on the pulse of humanity for decades. Happiness, he says, is looking at life through the eyes of your soul. The intentions of your soul are harmony, co-operation, sharing, and reverence for Life. It’s also important to have meaning and purpose in your life.
Students at Yale University must agree with Zukav. Dr. Santos’s course “Psychology and the Good Life” is the most popular course in Yale’s 300-year history.
